https://vawnet.org/sc/serving-trans-and-non-binary-survivors-domestic-and-sexual-violence/gender-identity-basics-and
Typically, you won't use one of these gender-neutral pronouns unless someone asks you to identify them as such.
Introducing Pronouns
An easy way to bring pronouns into the discussion is to start with yourself. If you’re introducing yourself, include your pronouns. Below are a few examples of ways to introduce yourself:
“Hi, I’m Jane, and my pronouns are she/her.”
“Hi, I’m John. I use he/him and they/them pronouns”
“I’m James, and I use they/them pronouns.”
By sharing your own pronouns, you're inviting the other person to share theirs, but not forcing them to. When you first meet someone, you don't want to ask about their pronouns. This could come off as invasive or make them feel uncomfortable, or like you are asking them to out themselves.
You can also include pronouns on email signatures, or nametags. Include your “pronoun” under your “name” as an opportunity for participants to make visible their gender pronouns.
When someone shares their pronouns with you, some appropriate responses include:
“Thanks for letting me know!”
“Cool, my pronouns are [they/them, he/him, etc.].”
“Great, I’ll look up how to use those correctly. Mind spelling them for me?”
There are more traditional gender neutral pronouns you can introduce into your everyday conversation, regardless of the individual. These include "Them", "They", "Their", "Everyone", and "That Person".
An important note to remember is, when in doubt; refer to someone by their name, rather than "him" or "her" or “Ms.” Or “Mrs.”
Here are some examples of how to use “they”, “their”, and “them” in a conversation, which are more common gender-neutral pronouns, and it's easy to incorporate into your daily conversations. These terms are more than likely used subconsciously even when you know someone identifies as "he" or "she". It's a natural substitute, but can go a long way towards creating a more inclusive office culture.
"I spoke to the director and they said they'd get back to me."
"I think someone left their laptop in the conference room."
"Who's in charge of that campaign? I'll email them."
Also, when addressing people in a meeting, it's best to say, "Hello, everyone," or "Hey, team." You'll want to avoid "Hey, guys", or similar phrases, since "guys" is typically masculine.
What if I don’t want to share my pronouns?
It is ok if you do not want to share your pronoun. Providing space and opportunity for people to share their pronouns does not mean that everyone will feel comfortable enough to share their pronouns or has to share. In the case that someone has left pronouns off the nametag, email signature or chosen not to share their pronouns, please refrain from using pronouns for that person and refer to the person by Name.
Common Mistakes
Avoid saying "preferred" pronouns. Despite the popularity of the term, it's incorrect, since "preferred" implies someone's gender is a preference. Also, avoid doubting a pronoun is real or telling someone that their pronoun is grammatically incorrect or giving up before you even start and telling them you’ll just use their name. This will be new to a lot of people, but it is important to become more aware.
The important thing to do after learning someone’s pronouns is remembering to use those pronouns when referring to that person. If you accidentally use the wrong pronoun when identifying someone, please correct yourself in front of that person in that moment and begin using the right pronoun. Don’t try to explain your mistake with a comment about someone’s voice or appearance. You can apologize in that moment, but own the mistake and move on.
However, don’t dwell on it. Dwelling on it can make a small mistake worse. An example of this is, by instinct you might want to keep talking about how sorry you are, or how hard you’re trying, but by doing this you’re ultimately asking them to take on responsibility for making you feel better or relieving your guilt. This also applies to asking questions. No one is required to answer your inquiries.
IMPORTANT TERMS:
Cisgender: A person whose gender identity and expression are
aligned with the gender they were assigned at birth.
Cisnormativity: The assumption that cisgender identity is the norm,
which plays out in interpersonal interactions and institutional privileges
that further the marginalization of transgender people.
Gender: A set of cultural identities, expressions and roles – codified as
feminine or masculine – that are assigned to people based upon the
interpretation of their bodies, and more specifically, their sexual and
reproductive anatomy. Since gender is a social construction, it is
possible to reject or modify the gender one is assigned at birth, and to
develop, live and express a gender that feels truer and just to oneself.
Gender Binary: A socially constructed system of viewing gender as
consisting solely of two categories, “male” and “female,” in which no
other possibilities for gender are believed to exist. The gender binary
is a restrictive and inaccurate way to view gender because it does not
take into account the diversity of gender identities and gender
expressions among all people. The gender binary is oppressive to
anyone that does not conform to dominant societal gender norms.
Gender Expression: The multiple ways (e.g., behaviors, dress) in
which a person may choose to communicate gender to oneself and/or
to others.
Gender Identity: A personal conception of oneself as male, female,
both, neither and/or another gender. Gender identity can be the same
as or different from the gender a person is assigned at birth. Gender
identity is a matter of self-identification; no one can tell anyone else
how to identify or what terms to use. Gender identity is different from
sexual orientation, and everyone has both a gender identity and a
sexual orientation.
Gender Non-binary: An umbrella term for gender identities used by
people whose gender is not exclusively male or female.
Gender Nonconforming: A descriptive term and/or identity of a
person who has a gender identity and/or expression that does not
conform to the traditional expectations of the gender they were
assigned at birth. People who identify as “gender nonconforming” or
“gender variant” may or may not also identify as “transgender.”
Pronouns: The pronoun or set of pronouns that a person identifies
with and would like to be called when their proper name is not being
used. Examples include “she/her/hers,” “he/him/his,” ze/hir/hirs,” and
“they/them/theirs.” Some people prefer no pronouns at all.
Transgender: An umbrella term describing people whose gender
identity does not match the gender they were assigned at birth.
|